Successful and Mentally Foggy?
- Jaimee Stoczko, LSW
- Oct 22
- 6 min read
3 Methods of Coping with Functional Freeze
By: Jaimee Stoczko, LSW at Perez Therapy, LLC
If you pay any mind to your wellbeing or mental health, then your social media algorithm has likely funneled you posts about various therapeutic topics such as breath work, how to notice signs of narcissism, nervous system regulation, you name it. While the flood of information readily available to us and circulated on Instagram stories and TikTok may open the door to new concepts, giving us opportunities to apply new meaning to old patterns, social media exposure is just the beginning. Most topics related to mental health require care and nuance to process, integrate, and benefit from.
One frequent topic circulated online is that of “fight, flight, freeze.” Biologically explained as the response of prey to predator, these three choices define the basic parasympathetic nervous system reactions one may have to avoid confrontation with the predator. Will they pick a fight, run away to safety, or stay still long enough that the predator either assumes they’re already gone or misses them altogether? More natural in the human course of life, this concept can be candidly explained as three reactions we commonly have when faced with a threat, most often of the non-mortal variety. Think of a simple example: a loved one texts, asking to have a serious talk out of the blue. You may become increasingly anxious because you’re uncertain what they want to discuss, so you decide to “fight” about something else, passively asserting your power to affect their wellbeing too. You might also choose to ignore the text, “flying away” so that the threat of conflict cannot follow you. Or you might “freeze,” using substances, media, anything and everything to numb out your feelings of fear in the face of potential conflict. There is another burgeoning response, “fawn,” which we will not discuss here but involves people-pleasing until the “predator” no longer focuses on us.
While all nervous system responses are worth learning about, we’re going to focus on a specific presentation of “freeze”, known as functional freeze. While the standard definition of this response paints a picture of complete stillness, “functional” freeze indicates something slightly different; an outward ability to continue moving through life, completing tasks, performing well enough in front of others (think: functional), meanwhile fostering an inward state that leaves us feeling numb, disconnected, detached from the moment, and avoidant of any conflict, no matter how small (think: freeze). Functional freeze can be difficult to notice because of its very nature; we do well enough to perform, skating by the concern of our loved ones’ because we appear productive, while missing out on the heart and soul of connection, presentness, and engaging in healthy conflict. Functional freeze effectively places our bodies in the world physically while detaching our minds mentally.
This state of functional freeze is distressing enough that it brings many folks to therapy, uncertain why they feel so detached and yet so fragile. And once they get there, one of the most common questions I hear is, “Well…what can I do?” With so much to show for their outward functioning, it can be difficult to pinpoint the internal “malfunction,” often felt as a mental fog that just won’t go away.
The question is simple and honest, often reflecting the same solution-focused energy the individual felt when seeking out therapy. Actionable tasks help us take what we’re talking about, both in personal circles, and the therapy room, and transmute these feelings and experiences into direct action steps that make our lives easier, perhaps simpler, or more thoughtful, less noisy or cluttered.
So, let’s explore three unique methods to crack the cycle of functional freeze and begin re-attuning to our wants and needs.
#1 Noticing is the first step
Do you ever feel profound emotions in response to the world around you, yet simultaneously feel utterly disconnected from your internal experiences? For many, this unique feeling is especially salient when a conflict, confrontation, or serious matter is placed in front of us, and we are having a reaction to the extent that we feel distressed, and yet we shut down and cannot move left, right, forward, or back. Our minds focus on the “what if”s of the situation, and we lose hours, days, and sometimes weeks to a world of uncertainty. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I say the right thing, but they can’t handle it? What if I say nothing?
Many will mindlessly jump into a shame spiral when this happens, feeling useless, or perhaps ineffective. However, noticing this state of being — functional freeze — is the first step to remedying it. Here are some signs that you may be experiencing functional freeze, but remember that these symptoms may overlap with other issues, and collaboration with a healthcare provider is best practice to get unique and specialized care for your specific situation:
Zoning out during intimate conversations, when you desire to be present
Difficulty figuring out how you feel (Am I sad? Mad? Jealous? All of the above?)
Inability to relax into the present moment and engage openly with others
When loved ones ask how you are, “I’m fine” is the most you can muster up (How could I even begin to explain everything I’m feeling?)
Every decision, small or big, feels difficult; you’re worried that there is a clear cut “wrong” choice to make, and you will likely feel this way no matter what you decide, even if it’s just what to make for dinner
Disrupted sleep (e.g. difficulty falling asleep, waking up throughout the night)
Rapid heart rate, headaches, muscle tension and stiffness
#2 Tap into your senses
Okay, so you read through this checklist and are starting to notice the functional freeze state…now what?
The state of detachment you’re in during functional freeze makes it difficult to engage with your feelings, that much we know. This is because we can’t intellectualize our way through serious mental fog — we have to create movement, space, capacity in our bodies to feel emotions somatically (physically) first, and then mentally (intellectually) second. This is because our emotions are secondary responses to physiological sensations, not the other way around. Consider this example: you receive a text message, like the one I referenced above, which is processed by your nervous system as an existential threat. Maybe the threat is due to a past experience, a core fear, or something else you’re unaware of consciously (also, it’s a nerve wracking text to get in general). The physical sensation of that fear, the nervous system dysregulation, is so disruptive that you mentally assign meaning to the physical feeling in order to cope. Often, this meaning-making prolongs your experience of the emotion, which then prolongs your suffering. Thus, tackling the physical symptom, as opposed to the mental, is a ground-level approach to reducing overall distress related to a strong emotion. If we used the “chicken or egg” analogy, think of the physical symptoms of functional freeze as the egg. A very dysregulating egg.
Since tackling the physical sensation of an emotion is uniquely difficult for the individual stuck in a functional freeze, here are some ideas for how to engage your physical body. Some of these suggestions will assume a degree of physical ability, so please note that alternatives can be collaboratively identified with your healthcare team to fit your life.
Low Effort:
Go for a walk
Use an acupuncture mat or pillow to stimulate blood flow and release tension
Mild stretching
Breath work (e.g. box breathing)
Shaking out your arms and legs
Jumping up and down in place
Massage
Aromatherapy
High Effort:
Cardio Exercise
Dancing
Going for a walk outside
Taking a fitness class
#3 Work with a therapist to promote accountability and acceptance
Working with a therapist is a great start to unraveling your unique presentation of functional freeze, as it differs for each person and can always be a sign or symptom of a separate issue as well. It’s endlessly useful to be in a present state, as opposed to a freeze state (yes, even when it’s “functional”), as you make decisions about your life, whether it’s what to make for dinner or where to move. Few, if any, of us can make sound choices while disconnected from our bodies and emotions.
As mentioned before, it is imperative that you receive care which is specific to you. Your unique experience of functional freeze is just that — unique. Many folks who come out of a long-term state of functional freeze will notice how much more easily they can access emotions like love and care, enriching their close relationships, engaging more meaningfully in conflict, and finding mutuality and reciprocity in their relationships which was previously inaccessible. Decision making becomes a quicker process, freeing up valuable time for you to invest in new hobbies, community, and daily activities. Once the mental fog lifts, suddenly you’re living life on your own terms again. It is possible, and we look forward to helping you get there.
