The Search for Purpose: Embracing Humanity, Healing, and the Uncertainty Along the Way
- Aug 5
- 4 min read
By: Hannah Muller, ATR-BC®, LPC
Photo credit: Randalyn Hill via Unsplash
Somewhere between the morning alarms, the endless to-do lists, and the quiet moments when things start to slow down, a pesky question tends to appear:
“What am I doing with my life?”
If you’ve ever had that thought- you are not alone! My clients bring this question into therapy all the time, usually with a mix of frustration, shame, and curiosity. I myself have wrestled with this existential question from time to time as well. However, from a mental health lens, purpose is not a singular “aha” moment or a hidden destiny. It certainly won’t just “come to us.” Imagine a garden: you plant seeds, you see what grows, you trim or remove what is dying, and you keep tending the parts that are thriving.
A sense of meaning can help us stay grounded. Think of it as a quiet inner guide or compass, leading us in a direction that we naturally gravitate towards. Establishing purpose in one’s life does not necessarily eliminate stress or uncertainty, but it gives us a reason to move through them. When we feel aligned with our purpose, we connect with something that feels greater than ourselves, and this allows us to actively nurture our mental health. Below, you will find some steps to take if you feel as though you are searching for meaning and purpose in day-to-day life.
Photo credit: Heidi Finl via Unsplash
1. Begin with Self-Compassion
The pressure to “find your purpose” can make anyone freeze. Instead of interrogating yourself with, “What am I meant to do?” or “What is my calling?”, try a gentler approach. Focus on the NOW. Purpose is malleable and can fluctuate over time. Instead, ask yourself, “What feels nourishing to me right now?” or “Where do I feel most like myself?”
Purpose grows when we stop treating it like a moral obligation. If doing this work feels like a chore, you might be placing too much pressure on yourself. Motivation often comes from identifying things of personal importance through engaging with our morals and values.
2. Let Your Values Guide You
Values are not goals, rather they are qualities you choose to embody. When you know your values, you can walk in a meaningful direction even when you don’t know the final destination. Get clear on your values and inner compass, then focus on cultivating and strengthening these.
You can check out a list of values here, through the “personal values card sort” activity:
There are so many values we may gravitate towards, so don’t overwhelm yourself right off the bat. Set goals intentionally that align with your top values. When our actions match our values, purpose and meaning can begin to take shape.
3. Start Small and Work Your Way Up
Have you heard of SMART goals? SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timebound. When searching for purpose, I often encourage others to create their goals with this framework in mind. For example, a goal I have for myself is to be more active, as we do a lot of sitting in therapy! I set the goal to move my body three times a week by practicing yoga. This goal is both attainable and realistic for me. I mapped out my schedule beforehand, made sure this was a goal I could achieve, allowing me to feel a sense of accomplishment rather than setting myself up for failure and self-loathing. Questions to ask yourself when setting goals that are achievable might include: “How can I incorporate this value into my life more actively, but realistically?” It’s all about small, intentional actions that contribute to the larger results.
4. Get to Know Yourself
Spend time understanding yourself! Pay attention to what drains and what fills your cup. Some questions to ask yourself here include:
- “How do different environments impact my mood or nervous system?
- What makes me feel energized?
- What topics or ideas make me want to explore?
- Which day to day tasks feel satisfying?
- When do I feel the most motivated or creative?
- What really captures my attention?
- What makes me feel tense or inauthentic?”
These questions are signals. Follow them, even if they seem small or impractical. Meaning often hides in places we initially overlook, and can be influenced by ourselves, our family, friends, and society at large. Check out this worksheet to see where there is overlap, and where there is not. This might help you notice what feels genuine to you:
5. If You Feel Lost, Ask for Help
Feeling directionless does not mean you’re lost forever. It means you are human, and that you are paying attention to what DOES NOT feel good.
A therapist can help you sort through the noise, explore and reinforce our values, and find clarity in the confusion. Purpose is easier to explore when someone is walking beside you. After all, two heads are better than one!
Purpose is less about knowing who you “should be” and more about showing up as the person you already are. You don’t need to have a five-year plan or a crystal-clear vision to live a meaningful life. Just do your best to stay curious, pay attention, and keep taking small steps toward what feels true and in alignment with you. The road to meaning making takes practice and intention, and you are probably closer than you think to being on that path.
Photo credit: Nik via Unsplash
Resources:
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