A Complicated Relationship with Rest

6 minutes ago

3 min read

By: Brianna Phipps, LCSW

cartoon woman writing with clocks around her. — Unsplash - Vanicon Studio

I have a confession to make. I have a complicated relationship with rest. And no, I’m not talking about going to bed and sleeping, even though that can be hard sometimes. I’m talking about taking time to stop moving and working to just relax. I used to get told often, “make sure you rest and don’t overwork yourself”, but when I would try to rest, I was met with feelings of discomfort and overwhelm. My body would feel jittery, my chest would get tight, and I would start running through a list of things I could be doing, and thinking things like “have I done enough to deserve to rest?” or “I hate that I’m being lazy right now”.

It has taken time to understand my relationship with rest and how my perspectives were influenced by deeper challenges. - If you can relate to this, I invite you to think about why this relationship is the way it is. Here are some factors that could be at play:

Because of someone’s cultural background, socioeconomic status, or their current social influences, “grind culture” may be highly regarded. I’m thinking about those who may have come from homes that didn’t always have the basic necessities or only had enough for the essentials. I’m thinking about those feeling the pressure from media and social circles that you need to get ahead and stay ahead. I’m thinking of those who come from a long lineage of seeing parental figures work so hard to provide, imagining doing anything less than them would feel like you’re not honoring the work they put in for you to be here. I’m even thinking about those who wrap their value and self-worth in their productivity because their whole world might be work, school, or caring for others. All these situations can lead to a negative, uncomfortable association with rest and relaxation. It is also important to mention those who use productivity to cope with stress as a distraction from unwanted thoughts or feelings. In this way, productivity can be seen as a protective factor, but it can still come with risks.

Body and Mind Needs Rest

Not giving your body and mind enough rest can have significant short-term and long-term health risks. The American Psychological Association (APA) wrote an article listing all the systems in the body that stress can cause , including musculoskeletal, respiratory, cardiovascular, endocrine, gastrointestinal, nervous, and reproductive systems (American Psychological Association, 2023). In addition to its physical effects, such as a weakened immune system, cardiovascular strain, and chronic fatigue, stress can also significantly impact brain functioning. Stress can impair brain functioning by reducing attention span, making it more difficult to consolidate memories, and contributing to chronic burnout. It can also increase the likelihood of mood-related symptoms, irritability, and difficulty coping with everyday stressors.

Rest As Necessary

When stress affects both the body and mind, rest is not something to opt out of or something we can keep pushing off for another day, but a necessary part of taking care of ourselves. Thinking about rest as a necessary way of taking care of myself led me to have more self-compassion. This self-compassion looks like listening to my body to tell me what it needs throughout the day, just taking a moment to check in. Life can get so busy that we forget to check in with ourselves until the very last minute, when our body is running on empty, and it’s forcing us to take a break because we got sick or we’re experiencing burnout. Another way to think about this need for rest is “how can I be most helpful to others if I’m running on E?”I also challenge myself by remembering I do not need to be productive all the time to have value and self-worth. This is a hard one a lot of the time, but it is very important. Ultimately, giving ourselves permission to rest is an act of self-compassion that allows us to show up for ourselves and others in a more sustainable and meaningful way. Part of this process is recognizing that taking care of ourselves does not have to look a certain way or follow a specific routine. Rest can look different for everyone, and finding what feels right for you is important.